TIPS FOR GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE
Divorces are one of the most significant events in people’s lives. They cause people to experience a range of emotions, whether or not the divorce is contentious. The process may be incredibly difficult, even if the parties are in agreement to divorce.
Be an advocate for yourself.
Be honest with yourself about your emotions and state of mind as you go through your divorce. You are allowed to feel whatever feelings you are experiencing, no matter what anyone says. If you are struggling and need to do things a certain way to get through the divorce, stand up for yourself.
Consider your children.
If your ex does something that particularly upsets you, it might be tempting to vent to whoever you are with which may be your children, or to make comments to your children about their choices.
Before saying negative things about your spouse to or in the presence of your children, remember that they are still your children’s parent, and it may be damaging to them to hear negative things about a person who they came from and who raised them. Instead, make time to call a close friend or family member to vent, seek the help of a mental health professional, or write a letter to vent out any frustrations.
Understandably, emotions may run high during the divorce process, and it might be hard to hold back. However, this new chapter of life necessitates it when minor children are involved. Most settlement agreements include a clause about disparagement. If your children report that you have been disparaging their parent, or if their other parent disparages you, there are legal remedies available to address these actions.
Take a social media hiatus.
Social media is a dangerous place to spend your time while going through a divorce for these reasons and more:
- Already notorious for being a toxic comparison trap, it is even more harmful to your mental and emotional health to see the highlight reel in your newsfeed of happy couples and families when you are experiencing a difficult divorce.
- While posts venting about your divorce may feel good for a moment, releasing certain details or disparaging your spouse is incredibly unwise. A screen shot snagged by your ex or a friend of theirs could be detrimental to your case.
- Finding temptation to date online may cause problems depending upon the circumstances of the divorce. Further, it is not recommended to date while separated; waiting until the divorce is finalized is the best time to begin a new relationship.
- Continued communication with a paramour on a social media platform may help your ex’s counsel solidify or bolster claims of adultery during the marriage.
In divorces wherein discovery requests will be issued, or if you are unsure if they will be, simply log out of your account and delete the app from your phone to reduce the temptation to login. Do not delete your account, as some discovery requests may ask for social media data that you must download from your account to answer the requests.
Find your safe space.
Consider finding a therapist or counselor to work through any issues that are negatively impacting you. This is especially important if you will be coparenting with your former spouse.
There are many support groups available in person or online. Should you engage in a support group, be sure to use good discernment when considering sharing details about your divorce which could negatively impact your settlement negotiations or litigation.
Only discuss the details of your divorce with your lawyer, and those you trust and you feel comfortable with. Your reasons for deciding to leave your marriage are valid in your own way, and if you know a particular person will not understand, you have no obligation to have an unpleasant conversation if it will cause you harm.
Look for an outlet.
In general, everyone needs an activity they enjoy, but having a way to decompress is more important than ever before when going through a divorce. As you process the facts of the dissolution of your marriage, as you go through settlement negotiations or litigation preparation, as you adjust to coparenting and/or living a separate new life, you will need an outlet for the mental load you have to carry.
Find an activity that you do purely for joy or relaxation, not out of obligation or to feel productive. Perhaps what you need is a daily walk before or after work, a hike at a park on weekends, playing a musical instrument, doing crafts, cooking, attending concerts or theatre performances, racing cars, riding horses, sport shooting, pickle ball, etc.
Other reasons to find an activity that you enjoy doing during your divorce is that they offer a way for you to rediscover yourself and reenter the world as your own independent person.
Don’t fight for a principle.
If the dissolution of your marriage is rooted in painful circumstances, you may feel that you have to take your spouse to Court instead of settle as a way to fight for a principle, or perhaps to punish them for bad behavior.
What most people who are unfamiliar with the Court system do not understand is that Judges must evaluate each case against the law in the jurisdiction they are in. That means that divorces are judged based upon the law and the case law only, a cut and dry division of custody, assets, liabilities, etc. While things such as adultery do impact things such as support payments, Judges will not order extra things to punish a party.
One of Michelle Hopkins’ strengths as a family lawyer is her ability to advise clients on when to stop fighting for a principal, and how to get through their divorce to be in the best position to start their new life on the other side.
Take the vacation!
A change of scenery can do wonders for someone carrying a heavy mental and emotional load. Research a vacation that interests you. Whatever your budget allows for, whether that be a day trip to a nearby attraction, a cruise, or a destination vacation.
If your vacation would be an expensive one, plan to go once your divorce is finalized. If you really want to go while you are separated, be sure to consult with your attorney before spending a significant amount of money on a vacation while you are still legally married.
Keep your heart open to new possibilities.
Many clients think they will never date or remarry after their divorce because the end of their marriage was too painful. When you feel that you have made peace about your divorce, keep your heart open to the possibility of a new relationship. That does not mean you should force yourself to start dating by a certain time, but it does mean that you do not have to be alone the rest of your life if that isn’t what you want.
Michelle Hopkins has had the pleasure of attending what she calls, “follow-on weddings,” which are when her divorce clients remarry. She loves the privilege of getting someone through this difficult chapter and seeing them start a new happy chapter on the other side.
How Can The Hopkins Law Firm Help Me?
The Hopkins Law Firm lawyers Michelle Hopkins, Sydney Remaily, and Tyler Melton are ready to provide you with empathetic, strategic and strong legal counsel for your divorce in Prince William County, Virginia and surrounding areas. Please do not hesitate to contact their office today at 571-248-2210 or info@mhopkinslaw.com to schedule a consultation. Michelle Hopkins and her legal team are waiting to help you!